Dad Jokes

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs." "OK." "Oh and while you're there, get some milk." He never returned.

Never date a baker. They're too kneady.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you're also the murderer at the same time.

Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.

Today I learned that changing random stuff until your program works is "hacky" and a "bad coding practice" but if you do it fast enough it's "Machine Learning" and pays 4x your current salary.